WHATEVER

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the best moment in literary history is by far the time in the odyssey when odysseus and his bros stab polyphemus the cyclops in his eye but he thinks odysseus’ name is “no one” so he thrashes about the cave screaming “NO ONE BLINDED ME!!!” and the other cyclopes are like “oh my god polyphemus SHUT UP”

(via chainsawpunk)

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I take the L and R on my headphones seriously.

(via iamthewhitegirl)

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baby-pigeon-in-the-trench-coat:

spainstateofmind:

thebadwolf:

Fun party trick: put Skittles and M&M’s in the same bowl, wait for someone to grab a handful.

you can go fuck yourself

my mum did this and didnt tell anyone so when my sister put a bunch in her mouth she spat them out and started crying and now she has trust issues

(via sexting-inchurch)

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me: i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
me: wakes up march 27th, 2098.

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odair:

HAS THIS WEEK BEEN LIKE 5 YEARS LONG OR WHAT

(via a-spider)

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money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference

(via dontgrowup-lifesatrap)

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gothlolita:

im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names

(via dontgrowup-lifesatrap)

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(via unescapable)

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tomlintum:

whenever my mom criticizes me i yell “it’s probably genetic” and run out of the room as fast as i can

(via fake-mermaid)

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spookymormon:

spookymormon:

my mom always texts me rude things so ive just started replying with an emoji of an eggplant and it gets her so pissed it’s great

(via inactiveblogger)

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iwantyourloveandrevenge:

why was no one ever alarmed that sharpay and ryan sang love songs to each other

(via hotboyproblems)

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(via dontgrowup-lifesatrap)

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Plot Twist: Stark Industries buys Tumblr. We all get free issue laptops with fantastic WiFi.

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enasnivolz:

ealperin:

reading-thoughts:

edwardspoonhands:

Not Iambic….Do Not Accept…

These tags I’ll pop, and boast in rhyming verse
that what I wear puts swagger in my gait;
though twenty shillings have I in my purse,
my self-esteem and manhood both inflate
when lofty furs I purchase for a cent.
Thy grandpa’s clothes are worthy salvage, though
they smell a trifle musty. Still, I spent
much less to dress myself from head to toe.

To save or not to save? The question’s moot.
I’ll never give my coin to high-street crooks.
These dusty shelves will yield their hidden loot
to those, like me, more frugal in their looks.
Like ancient coins washed up on distant shores,
I’ll find my treasures in these thrifty stores.
- Macklemore, “Thrift Shoppe”

*Crying with laughter*

ITS IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER. SWEET JESUS THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.

(via whitest-white-girl)

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